Teaching children good manners

Just as a child should be taught ritual acts of worship, he should also be taught good habits and etiquette until they become second nature to him. The Prophet [peace be upon him ] said: "Believers who have the most perfect Iman (faith) are those who have the best manners."

Good manners are an acquired trait that must be adopted from a young age. Of such manners are the following:

1. Teaching the child to be respectful and dutiful to his parents:

The first person from whom a child learns good manners is the father. If a child is raised in a good Islamic home, then it would be natural for him to treat his parents respectfully.

Allah says: "And your Rabb (Lord) has decreed that you should worship none but Him and be kind to parents. If one or both of them reach old age during your lifetime, never say 'uff' (an expression of displeasure), nor scold them, but address them politely. And humble yourself to them out of mercy and say, 'O my Rabb (Lord,) be merciful to them for having reared me from young age.'" (Holy Qur'an, 17: 23, 24)

2. Teaching them to maintain good relations with relatives:

Sound rearing also stipulates teaching children to maintain good relations with their relatives. Allah says: 'Worship Allah, and associate no partners with Him, and be kind to parents, next of kin, the orphans, the needy, the related neighbors, the next-door neighbors, the wayfarer and to the slaves that you own." (Holy Qur'an, 4: 36)

The fulfillment of this Divine command can be accomplished only by sound rearing which makes them grow attached to their relatives out of obedience to Allah.

Since relatives are an extension of the family, then strengthening ties with them strengthens the whole family and it is like strengthening the whole community and this reflects an Islamic community that enjoys a cohesive structure. The Prophet said: "The believers in their reciprocal love and mercy are like a human body, when one of its organs suffer, the rest of the body is kept awake and suffers fever."

3. Inculcating in children brotherly love:

Brotherly love and believers' solidarity must be embedded in the children's minds and that the believers are brothers-in-faith. For example to follow the pious predecessors, the Muhajireen and the Ansar, whose brotherly love and altruism Allah commends in His Book.

Giving a friendly gesture or a happy greeting to Muslim brothers generates friendliness in their hearts and, strengthens the love among the believers. This indeed is a fine trait, which is instructed by Allah, the Exalted. He describes the believers saying: "They are merciful to one another but harsh to the infidels." (Holy Qur'an, 48: 29)

Allah also addressed His Messenger saying: "And were you to be harsh and hard-hearted, they would have broken away from you." (Holy Qur'an, 3:159)

4. Good words:

Giving a good word is a type of remembrance of Allah, telling the truth, guarding one's own tongue against slandering other people are good deeds. The best Muslim, according to the Prophet is the one from whose tongue the Muslims feel safe.

Parents should make their children aware of the gravity of abusing others with their tongue and of the fact that the tongue is a double-sided and dangerous weapon. Therefore, they should be warned in particular against abusing it.

Warning children against backbiting and slandering

Children should be taught that backbiting is speaking slanderously about an absent person. The Prophet said: "Do you know what is Gheebah (backbiting)?" They said: "Allah and His Messenger know best." He said: "It is to attribute to your brother what he dislikes." He was asked: "What do you think if what I say about my brother is true?" He said: "If what you attribute to him is true, then you have backbitten him, and if it is not true, then you have lied about him."

While Nameemah (talebearing) is to circulate slanderous rumors between two persons to damage or sever the ties between them. The Prophet said: "No Nammam (talebearer) will be admitted to Jannah (Paradise)."

Deriding people in their presence by making negative facial expressions or by hand gestures while they are unaware is forbidden in Islam.

Warning them against lying

Children must be taught to tell the truth and to keep away from lying, which is the most horrible habit. The Prophet said: "There are four traits whoever possesses them is a sheer hypocrite, and he who possesses one of them, possesses a trait of hypocrisy unless he quits it. They are: when he speaks, he tells lies; and when he enters into an agreement, he acts unfaithfully; and when he promises, he breaches his promise; and when he litigates, he behaves treacherously. While the liar receives the anger of Allah on the Day of Resurrection."

He also said: "Lying leads to Hell-Fire and truthfulness leads to Jannah."

Parents should not take this evil habit lightly, or consider it funny when their children tell lies because later on it becomes easy for them to lie without any compunction.

Abusing others

Among the worst of manners is reviling people and swearing at them. If this bad habit is not redressed while the child is growing up, it becomes hard for him to avoid it later on.

Islam enjoins guarding the tongues. The Prophet said: "He who guarantees, what is in between his jaws (tongue), and what is in between his thighs (private parts), I guarantee Jannah for him."

This means guarding one's own tongue against uttering anything that displeases Allah, and guarding one's own private parts against committing illicit acts or fornication.